blog post: (technically, it was a series of hypomanic episodes).

read this while listening to "scratch" by morphine.

i've been diagnosed with multiple mental health disorders (i actually prefer the term "mental illness". your kitchen countertop or your desk may be "disordered", but this is a chronic illness i have to live with every day that can't be tackled with 20 minutes of tidying up. my site is disordered, my brain is sick).

brat summer, i updated this site very rapidly and passionately. as with my episodes irl, i'm a bit embarrassed and ashamed of my words. sorry if i was obnoxious and/or "too much". i am now medicated, going to weekly therapy, and feeling much, much better. i'm doing alright.

i am fortunate enough to have a "support network", namely some family whom i am able to stay with.

i (probably) won't delete my updates from last year but i may very well, as i am wont to do, hide it somewhere small on this site some time in the future.

health tips:

1) DO NOT self-diagnose. again, DO NOT self-diagnose. make detailed notes about your symptoms and relay them to a healthcare professional. no, i will not be going into detail about my specific diagnosis nor my medication regimen.

2) you may have to uproot everything to be as healthy as you deserve to be. i moved from a US state with very poor healthcare coverage to one with a more "robust" system. it's better than the alternative.

3) medications that work for others may not work for you (and vice versa). one medication that works great for me did absolutely nothing for a friend with a similar diagnosis. one medication that worked for another friend gave me suicidal ideation.

4) stop using club drugs and psychedelics. sorry.

5) mental illness can feel like the lonliest thing in the world sometimes but, if you'll excuse a platitude, you are not alone.

take care of others when you can, take care of yourself the best you can even when it feels like you can't

to quote the new rwake album that came out earlier this year (!), IT'S THE RETURN OF MAGIK IN THE CRYSTAL FUCKING PALACE